As I write this with a cup of tea by my side, I can feel our little baby tapping away at my insides. I am 15 weeks along and when I felt this odd rattling of my insides last week, I wondered if it could be true. It is the strangest and most beautiful sensation I have ever experienced. Sometimes I like to have a bit of caffeine or something sweet and then just sit quietly. In a matter of minutes, I can feel our little one start to squirm.
I don't know that I have a lot to say but I did want to share this. God is the healer and deliverer of our pain. Over the last decade, Mother's Day has often been a day of heartache for me. It reminded me of my own mother whom I lost. It seemed the day was more about what I didn't have present any longer on this earth then it was a celebration of thankfulness.
Just about a year ago, I became a mom for the first time. And I carried our little baby, Peach Pit, with incredible joy and anticipation. In an instant the gate to my heart swung wide open for a little being the size of my pinkie nail. When we lost Peach Pit, the disappointment and sadness was deep and, for a season, unrelenting. But God is the healer and deliverer of our pain. In ways unique to us that are full of His power, kindness, compassion and mercy, He reaches out and heals. The Bible says that the deep places of God call to the deep places of man. It's true.
Today I realized it again as I sat in church with joy in my heart. I am thankful for my mom. I am thankful for Peach Pit. I am thankful for the little one now growing inside me. I am thankful for my husband who is a gift to me, for friends who love me as I am, for a mentor God provided in Cambodia who knew exactly how to walk with me through the grief of an unborn child. But more than anything, I am thankful for God. He is big enough, faithful enough and loving enough to help us through anything. His timing and ways are perfect and He never lets us go. If we cling to Him in resolute trust, He will call to the deep places in us and make them whole again.